Dear Little Goomba,
Today, we saw you for the second time. You are 7 weeks and 5 days old. Your heart rate is 167. :) We told the world about you! (aka Facebook) People are so excited that you exist, and so are we! I loved seeing your little heart flicker up on the screen.
I've been sicker with you than I was with your brother, so it has been a pretty rough time. I hope that we will be feeling better soon. I'm wondering if you are a girl because of the old wive's tales about high heart rates and more sickness with girls. I can't wait to find out who you are!
Stay nice and cozy. :)
Love,
Mommy
Hello, Little Goomba
Wednesday, November 4, 2015
Dear Little Goomba,
I've been afraid to write to you even though I've known about you since October 20. After losing my last pregnancy, I was so afraid I'd lose you, too. Now, I've been through some blood work, and am now feeling quite crappy and nauseated, so I feel a little bit safer, though I will never feel totally safe because the miscarriage robbed me of that blind happiness and innocence.
We are so excited to have you! We prayed for you so hard every day, and we have even more so since we found out about you. We call you our little "Goomba" because Goombas are a Mario character, and Daddy and I are big Mario fans... But what I really call you is my rainbow. Please shine on and hang on so you can meet us. We are thrilled about you!
Love,
Mommy
I've been afraid to write to you even though I've known about you since October 20. After losing my last pregnancy, I was so afraid I'd lose you, too. Now, I've been through some blood work, and am now feeling quite crappy and nauseated, so I feel a little bit safer, though I will never feel totally safe because the miscarriage robbed me of that blind happiness and innocence.
We are so excited to have you! We prayed for you so hard every day, and we have even more so since we found out about you. We call you our little "Goomba" because Goombas are a Mario character, and Daddy and I are big Mario fans... But what I really call you is my rainbow. Please shine on and hang on so you can meet us. We are thrilled about you!
Love,
Mommy
Too beautiful for earth...
Thursday, June 11, 2015
Dear Second Little Sprout,
I haven't written you until this point like I did your older brother because I think I knew, on some level, that you were not meant to stay with us. The jumble of a mix of positive and negative pregnancy tests put a warning sign in to my head, and then when the first blood test required me to go back for a second to see if the numbers had improved, my hope wavered. When the doctor called only a few days after I first learned about you to tell me that I was losing you (today), I already knew what was happening, though I tried to hold onto brief glimmers of hope.
It's so difficult because so few people knew about you, which means there are fewer people to tell... But I also feel very alone. People try to say the right thing, but they don't. I don't want to think about how "Everything happens for a reason" or how there will be other chances and other babies or it wasn't the right time... Those comments hurt because you were very real, and I hoped you would be the one to complete our family.
There was a small part of me that has wished I hadn't known I was pregnant in the first place because then I wouldn't be in this pain, but I also don't want to pretend like you never happened. You were very much wanted. Even though you could not stay with us here, I know I will always wonder who you could have been... Whether you were a boy or a girl... Would you have looked like your big brother? What was wrong that you had to go?
You were part of me, of us, even if it was very briefly. You will not be forgotten. You were loved, and you still are.
Love,
Mommy
I haven't written you until this point like I did your older brother because I think I knew, on some level, that you were not meant to stay with us. The jumble of a mix of positive and negative pregnancy tests put a warning sign in to my head, and then when the first blood test required me to go back for a second to see if the numbers had improved, my hope wavered. When the doctor called only a few days after I first learned about you to tell me that I was losing you (today), I already knew what was happening, though I tried to hold onto brief glimmers of hope.
It's so difficult because so few people knew about you, which means there are fewer people to tell... But I also feel very alone. People try to say the right thing, but they don't. I don't want to think about how "Everything happens for a reason" or how there will be other chances and other babies or it wasn't the right time... Those comments hurt because you were very real, and I hoped you would be the one to complete our family.
There was a small part of me that has wished I hadn't known I was pregnant in the first place because then I wouldn't be in this pain, but I also don't want to pretend like you never happened. You were very much wanted. Even though you could not stay with us here, I know I will always wonder who you could have been... Whether you were a boy or a girl... Would you have looked like your big brother? What was wrong that you had to go?
You were part of me, of us, even if it was very briefly. You will not be forgotten. You were loved, and you still are.
Love,
Mommy
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